lywinis:

theavengersshouldnttext:

Rhodey: Yo, Tony! I stopped by, but Thor was on the couch butt-ass naked! His junk was pointed at the door and everything!

Tony: Sorry about that, rhodey. I’m sure that YOU were wearing pants. I don’t suppose they were MY PANTS THAT YOU STOLE?

Rhodey: Dude, when are you gonna let that go?

—

Tony: Thor, what’d I tell you about hanging out in the living room naked?

Thor: THE COOLNESS FROM YOUR CONDITIONER OF AIR IS PLEASING TO MY SKIN. *ALL* OF MY SKIN.

Tony: Ngah! Just….Put Little Mjolnir back in your pants, okay?

Thor: I SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, THERE, MAN OF IRON. YOU HAVE USED A CUNNING METAPHOR TO REFER TO MY NETHER APPENDAGE.

Tony: Yeah, I’m cool that way. Look, could you just put on some pants? Before I get home…?

Thor: IT IS PARTICULARLY APT, SINCE MJOLNIR, TOO, BOASTS A SOLID SHAFT WITH A LARGE,IMPOSING HEAD. HA!

Tony: Stop texting me now.

Thor: BUT WHEN I GRIP IT AND WAVE IT ABOUT, IT IS JANE WHO IS BORNE HEAVENWARD! HAHA!

—

Tony: Dear God. I am SO. Sorry.

Jane: …what?